How to Date a Douchebag: The Studying Hours Read online

  How to Date a Douchebag

  The Studying Hours

  Copyright © 2016 by Sara Ney

  Cover Design by Okay Creations

  All rights reserved.

  This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the authors.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  **Thank you Internet for providing the inspiration for the dating quotes at the beginning of each chapter.

  They’re all based on real conversations, pick-up lines, come-ons, and texts between actual people.**

  Dedicated to the biggest douchebag I know.

  And he knows who he is because

  he told me to dedicate this book to him.

  **eye roll**

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Epigraph

  Foreshadowing

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Epilogue

  Exclusive Excerpt from Book 2

  Acknowledgements

  Other Titles

  Jameson

  Some days I stay home to study, but not very often.

  The library is my solace.

  My refuge.

  Where I come to listen to the sound of pages being turned, the faint sound of laptop keys clicking, the light treading of footsteps padding across the worn hardwood floor. The building is one hundred and three years old, one of the oldest landmarks on campus, and full of history. Full of carved wood and dark corners. Full of knowledge and the secrets of scientists, philosophers, and students.

  Really. It’s the only place within a five-mile radius where I can be alone with my thoughts.

  The only place without roommates, their music, their phones, and the constant flurry of activity at our off-campus rental. I never know when there’s going to be a strange guy chilling on our couch, strangers in and out, or flirtatious giggling before bedroom doors get slammed shut.

  The uncomfortable echoes of your roommate’s bed squeaking, followed shortly thereafter by frenzied moaning in an otherwise silent house is…

  Awkward.

  And that’s putting it mildly, because honestly, how do you get that sound out of your head?

  You don’t.

  Instead, you escape to the library.

  I don’t worry about the distracting sounds of shouting or teasing or interruptions. Or the smell of overcooked Ramen noodles. I don’t usually have to worry about being distracted, either.

  Except for today.

  Today I’m focused on a table full of disturbances near the entry in the form of four very large, very athletic-looking guys. Loud guys. Arrogant guys.

  Relatively attractive guys.

  Today, I can’t concentrate.

  I spot them long before they spot me, allowing myself a brief study respite to watch the largest one with a critical eye. With shocking dark hair and darker eyebrows, he hasn’t looked down at the open book in front of him once. Rather, he’s been glancing around the library’s reading room.

  Just as I’m doing.

  Arms folded across a broad chest, his legs are spread, his expression impatient—almost as if he can’t be bothered with homework.

  As I conclude he must be waiting for the sky to open up and the universe to do the work for him, our gazes clash; those severe, ruthless slashes over his eyes shoot into his hairline while the lips surrounded by five o’clock shadow curl. Discriminating eyes so pale I can’t discern their color from here begin their gradual descent down the column of buttons on my sweater before settling on my chest.

  I shiver.

  He smiles.

  The sadistic creep knows his stare is making my skin crawl.

  He relishes the fact.

  Guys like him? Surely college will be a short blip on the roadmap of his life, a pit stop on the way to bullying co-workers, business partners, and probably women.

  This guy? He’s a douchebag—one with a capital D.

  Blinking myself out of our stare-down, my blue eyes travel around the table, mooring on the hulky blond guy tapping away on his keyboard, head bobbing to whatever music is bumping through those shiny black Beats. Then they land on the Latino slouched deep in his chair, staring at the ceiling and chewing on a yellow number two pencil.

  Last but not least? The guy with the thick neck and thicker tattooed arms.

  Fascinated, I lower my head to peer coyly from beneath my long lashes; he’s clearly trying to focus on his work, aggravation with his rambunctious tablemates marring his handsome face and causing his shoulders to strain. Every so often, he shifts restlessly in his seat before giving his head a shake.

  Blows out a puff of frustrated air.

  Shifts in his seat. Shakes his head. Puffs out air.

  Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.

  Until…

  The entire table is interrupted by a pretty co-ed with light brown hair. It’s tossed akimbo on her head in a casual, messy bun, but even from here I see the heavily lined eyes and bright red lips. The smoky-eyed look doesn’t necessarily go with her black leggings and Iowa sweatshirt, but who am I to judge?

  She slithers up to them brazenly, hip resting on the edge of the table, dragging one fingertip across the smooth surface, up and over that tattooed arm. Skims her nail across the bare skin of his forearm.

  His head flies up, startled. Focuses on her.

  I suck in the breath I didn’t know I was holding at the
sight of the grin he gives her.

  Leans back, crosses his solid arms.

  Spreads his legs.

  She’s cute.

  And obviously his type.

  I watch the show, riveted as he rises, muscled arm sliding around her slim waist…remove an earbud in time to hear a forced, enthusiastic giggle erupt from her throat…catch the the low timbre of his voice as he leads them deeper into the library, toward the last row of backlogged magazine and newspaper periodicals…suck in another breath when he smacks the girls’ rear end with a sexually charged palm…sigh, disappointed when they turn the corner, disappearing from view.

  Well then.

  Removing my black-rimmed glasses, I rub the sight from my tired eyes, wondering for a brief moment what it would be like to be that kind of girl—the carefree kind who lets boys lead her into dark rows of books.

  For funsies. Because it feels good.

  Not the kind of girl who spends all her waking time studying because her grades suck and she can’t afford not to.

  I replace my glasses, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling with awareness as I pat a dainty yawn away, shifting my gaze.

  Meet cold, intimidating gray eyes.

  They crinkle knowingly at the corners as if to say, I see you watching, but sweetheart, don’t hold your breath—he’d never date someone like you.

  And he’d be right—the figure that just disappeared into the library stacks? He wouldn’t want to date me. Wouldn’t look at me twice given the chance.

  Have sex with me? Maybe.

  Date me? No.

  But guess what? I wouldn’t want him either. Because I can tell just by looking at him that he’s probably a douchebag, just like his creepy friend.

  And I’d want nothing to do with a guy like that.

  Sebastian

  “Dude. Do me a solid and see if that’s her.”

  I ignore his entreaty, determined to start this essay for a class I have first thing tomorrow morning, a class I need for graduation. I thought coming to the quiet library would give me the solace I need to get the assignment done, but apparently I was wrong.

  So wrong.

  “Are you listening to me? I need you to walk over there and see if that chick staring over here is my tutor. Please, I’m shy.”

  I pause. “Zeke, I’m not walking all the way over there just to see if she’s your tutor. Do it yourself.”

  My head lowers and I go back to my paper.

  “I’m the captain of the wrestling team, asshole.”

  My pen stops for the second time. “No, I’m the captain, asshole—or have you already forgotten? Doing your dirty work isn’t part of my job description.”

  Whining but undeterred, my friend tries again. “What if I ask you nice?”

  “Nope. You’ve already been a dick too many times today.”

  This perks him up considerably. “Speaking of dicks, what if I give you a blowjob?” he purrs. “Then would you do it?”

  “I’ll do it for a blowjob,” our friend Dylan interrupts from across the table—the table that appeared large enough to accommodate all of us when we sat down but now feels like the size of a maxi pad.

  “Shut the fuck up, Landers. No one asked you.” Zeke sneers. “Osborne, go see if that’s my tutor.”

  Jesus Christ he’s relentless. “She’s not your tutor.”

  He twists his torso to glance at her, dubious. “How do you know?”

  We all crane our necks to get a good look at the girl in question, sitting across the dimly lit library commons. My dark eyes settle on the unassuming girl hunched over a stack of books and wielding a pencil, furiously writing away.

  Intense and serious, this girl means business.

  She’s not here to fuck around.

  I’ve noticed her in passing a few times myself, but have never spared her a second thought until now, chalking her up as just another warm body taking up an entire table my friends and I could have used.

  Academic. Unadventurous. Probably a fucking prude if the pearl necklace circling her neck is any indication.

  She barely batted an eye when I passed her with Cindy—or Mindy or whatever her name is that rhymes with ‘Indy’—and hauled her to the storage room to get my dick wet.

  “How do I know she’s not your tutor?” I repeat. “First off, her face is buried in those books—she hasn’t looked around once the entire time we’ve been here.”

  Zeke’s dark eyebrows raise. “Bullshit. She’s been watching us this entire time.”

  I ignore his expression and power on. “Secondly, she doesn’t look like she needs a job. I mean, did you not see the fucking pearls around her neck? No way she needs the money.”

  “Maybe she likes helping those in need,” Dylan jokes.

  “I’ll give her a need: I need a good grade in biology.” Zeke ridicules us, studying her intently. “Virgin Mary over there looks like the fucking librarian. A girl like that is going to be single forever.”

  “Yeah but look at her: she’s undeniably not waiting for anyone,” Dylan observes.

  Zeke shoots him an irritated scowl. “Did you just use the word undeniably?”

  Our friend ignores him. “Or maybe she took one look at your pissed-off face and decided the job wasn’t worth the forty bucks you’re going to pay her. And what’s up with her sweater set? I bet she could use a good, stiff dicking.” Dylan’s booming voice cuts through the din, the rasp of it slicing through the peaceful university library in the most unquiet way. “She does look like a total bitch.”

  Zeke’s laugh is crude. “Maybe that’s the problem—she’s had a dicking and it’s still stuck up her ass.” He checks his phone for the fifth time. “If she’s not my tutor, then mine is a no-show. Would you please just go over there for me? I’m too lazy to haul my ass out of this chair.”

  I stare him down, shaking my head at his presumption before bracing my hands against the wooden table and rising to stand. “Fine. What’s your tutor’s name?”

  He unfolds the scrap of paper resting on his pile of books and reads out loud. “Violet.”

  “Aww, how pretty.” I shuffle leisurely across the library, weaving through the intricate labyrinth of tables, crosshairs on the black cardigan sweater set. “Violet.”

  Her smooth, classic ponytail is pulled high, not a hair out of place, and black glasses are propped on her head. Wearing a simple white tee shirt and a black cardigan, a single strand of gleaming ivory pearls circle her neck.

  That’s right, I said it—fucking pearls.

  Hot pink earbud cords dangle down her neck.

  I saunter closer, approaching her cautiously, much like you’d approach a stray dog, or a girl you know is on her period—warily, guardedly.

  Relaxing my fingertips on the edge of the solid wood table, I wait for her to glance up. Notice me. Say something. Blush.

  But she doesn’t. In fact, if this chick senses my presence, she’s Level: Expert at hiding it.

  Clearing my throat, I throw out a casual greeting and try to look bored. “Hey.”

  Her hand continues to move across her notebook, finger trailing the middle handwritten paragraph. Head still bent, her quiet voice murmurs, “I’m not a tutor, so don’t bother.”

  I guess that answers my question. I turn toward my friends, both of them giving me a thumbs up, and shake my head. Negative Ghost Rider. Zeke furrows his brows, pissed off as usual, and glances down at the folded paper in his hand with a frown. He wads it up and tosses it to the floor.

  Well.

  I guess that settles it. Except…

  “Your name’s not Violet?” I press for more information, willing her to look up at me.

  She doesn’t so much as flinch.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, but no.”

  I force out a chuckle, leaning on the table with my hip and crossing my arms. “Just checking. My friend over there got stood up by his study buddy and now he’s moping.”

  “Why didn’t he come over here
himself?”

  “Too lazy to get up.” My tone is matter-of-fact.

  “Not to be rude, but if he needs a tutor, maybe laziness is part of his problem.”

  Good point. “Good point.”

  “All right, now that we’ve established I’m not this mysterious missing Violet, I really do need to get back to studying. You’re killing my mojo.”

  “Right. Sorry to bother you.” The apology slips out and manages to sound sincere.

  The girl hums out a dismissive, “Mmm hmm,” and resumes pushing her fingertip along the lined notebook paper, all without glancing up at me.

  It’s really fucking annoying.

  I mean, my pride is taking a real beating here. It’s not everyday that I’m dismissed, and certainly not by some nobody in the damn library, a dull classmate with a long stick shoved up her entitled ass.

  Do I just turn and walk away? Or do I try to get the last word in? I stand here, not really knowing what to do, and shove my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

  This chick has managed to annoy the crap out of me in less than a minute and has the balls to reject me—and I’m not quite sure how to handle it.

  “You can walk away now.” She reads my mind, a slight edge to her voice.

  The fuck is wrong with this chick?

  “Chill,” I grind out. “I’m going.”

  Sauntering back to my table is a quick journey, and both my friends have amused expressions plastered across their idiotic faces. I drag out my chair, rejoining them with a glower.

  “That didn’t look like it went so well,” Dylan ventures.

  “Fuck. Off.”

  “That’s not Violet?” Zeke asks.

  “Nope.” I flip a topography textbook open. “Not Violet.”

  “Hey OzMan,” Dylan muses thoughtfully. “I bet if you went back over there and put the moves on her, it would give her something to brag about for weeks. Give nerd girl a reason to live.”

  Somehow, I doubt that. “She’d have to take her face out of her book long enough to acknowledge me first.”

  “Bet you could get her to cream her white granny panties.”

  “No shit I could. Like it would be hard?”

  Zeke laughs. “Let’s be honest, she’s not wearing granny panties—it’s probably a chastity belt.”